


the change in the wind took you down to your knees

by callmeshakesqueer



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bi Max, Bullying, Coming Out, Confessions, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gay Will Byers, Homophobia, Hurt Eleven | Jane Hopper, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Eleven | Jane Hopper, Little fluff??, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Will Byers Needs a Hug, after season 3, ouch my hand slipped, too much angst yikeees
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 19:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20030764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmeshakesqueer/pseuds/callmeshakesqueer
Summary: Last street away from their house, she finally gets the courage to ask what’s been on her mind, “What does it mean? The thing they called you, queer?”In her opinion that word sounds alright; kind of gentle but ‘r’ at the end makes it interesting. Though those dumb boys pronounced it like it meant a crime; simply something bad and wrong.~~After Byers move away from Hawkins, Eleven starts to understand her feelings towards Max but it turns out, nothing will get easier - but quite the opposite of it.





	the change in the wind took you down to your knees

**Author's Note:**

> tw: homophobic slurs
> 
> i love my gay kids, i really didn't mean to hurt them so much

El noticed girls are pretty, long time ago.

Because, of course, girls are supposed to be pretty since the beginning of time, but she was sure the beauty of them makes her jealous, that she wanted to be like them; although the reason behind her craving turned out to be different in reality. Until last summer, Eleven was so sure she wanted to look like those older girls with shimmering glosses (the ones which Hop didn’t allow her to wear and Joyce does) on their full lips, and skin so soft, and hair scenting mesmerizing.

It was Max who made her realize that wasn’t exactly the truth. El didn’t and still doesn’t want to be Max, she wants to be _with_ Max, all the time. She wants to hold her small hand, hug her, sleep next to her, so closely their breaths will mix, just the way they did during sleepovers last summer. And to kiss her, maybe.

At first, before the school starts, she doesn’t think about a lot; she used to feel a similar way about Mike and it’s not making her crazy that much. (It actually does but she won’t admit it.)

She and Max exchange several letters, even though Eleven can’t write well yet, so she asks Will each time to help her. And she really doesn’t understand his afraid and doubtful looks when every time she is dictating the same ending of a letter with ‘I love yous’ and ‘I miss yous’.

But the blissful time without realization lasts until a few weeks later as she slowly begins to notice at school only boys and girls walk holding hands.

No single pair of two girls or two boys doing the same. And she isn’t able to understand it; why it is like this?

Her letters to Max become less and less long because she feels so different and that’s the last thing she needs to be; sometimes she skips the phonecalls from the redhead and acts asleep so Joyce won’t give her the phone. She just can’t hear Max’s voice, not now.

* * *

Startlingly late, Eleven hears the word ‘queer’ for the first time. It is mid-October, quite rainy and most of the leaves turn golden brown, and red, and yellow, some of them are falling on the damp ground.

She’s grown to enjoy school a little bit, although she doesn’t have a lot of friends, except for Will. But right now, Will is nowhere to be seen, so she leaves the class after her last period ends.

The hallways are looking empty when she gets to her locker in which she hides some of her books and takes the red raincoat.

Will’s one is just around the corner and as El decides to head over there, she hears several voices coming from the place where she is going.

“Who let you out to school, dyke? You should be locked in a hospital, not here!”

“What if you’ll get someone sick?!”

“Johnny, I think he already did.” Someone pretends to be vomiting, making awful noises.

Eleven looks out discreetly from behind a wall and the first thing she notices are two tall boys, obviously older than she is. They are on both sides of Will’s locker and the boy is between them but she can’t see his face as the back of one of the boys covers her friend.

She doesn’t know what to do but when one of the boys hits Will, so he stumbles over onto the other boy, she walks out of her hiding.

The pushing one laughs cruelly, “You see? _Queers_ are like this, all over you. They would touch everything alive. And not only.” That voice surely belongs to the one called Johnny and she already hates him.

“Hey, leave him alone!” Eleven raises her voice, her fists hanging by her sides, tightly clenched. What would she do to have her powers back!

Her loud voice takes attention and from a class beside leaves the biology teacher, “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing, ms. Hudson, nothing at all,” Johnny smiles and shrugs. “We were just helping our new friend collect his books.”

And indeed, Will’s books are thrown all over the floor around him.

The teacher doesn’t waste her precious time on some drama in the corridor and accepts the obvious lie from older boys, closing the door and coming back to her lesson. Eleven hates the injustice and here she is, having to deal with it; she has already found out teachers here are ignorant and how Johathan sometimes says at home ‘don’t give a fuck’ about students.

Boys laugh it off and pass by El, pushing her just like they did with Will before, and the one whose name she doesn’t know murmurs, “Does it run in your family to be fucking pussies?”

She doesn’t understand but ignores the weird message. There is lots of time at sleepless nights to think about it.

“Are you okay?” She runs to Will and crouches by his side as he picks up his school books and notebooks.

“Yeah,” It sounds choked. Eleven bends her head a little bit, just enough so she is seeing his face.

Tears are streaming down his cheeks from red, puffy eyes and she has seen Will crying a few times but never like this. It makes her heart utterly ache, the pain that’s visible all over his expression. She pulls him into a messy, tangling hug as he makes her T-shirt wet but El doesn’t mind.

“I’m sorry.” She says softly.

“It’s my fault anyway,” Will pulls away.

“But they abused you! How is it your fault?” El clearly saw a few minutes earlier what happened. No answer comes back, anyway.

They leave the grey shady building behind, still in silence. Eleven catches his hand and delicately squeezes it; Will doesn’t let go.

Last street away from their house, she finally gets the courage to ask what’s been on her mind, “What does it mean? The thing they called you, _queer_?”

In her opinion that word sound alright; kind of gentle but ‘r’ at the end makes it interesting. Though those dumb boys pronounced it like it meant a crime; simply something bad and wrong.

“Uh, it- it means… When someone is queer…” His voice becomes quieter when he says the foreign word. “They like the same gender. Romantically.”

“And are you like this?’ She also starts to whisper, though she still can’t quite get into her mind why they do it. Probably Will can, good that even one of them does.

“I don’t know! I can’t talk about it.” Will fastens his pace and she’s far, far behind him when she gets home.

His seat at the dinner table is empty, but two others aren’t. Joyce and Jonathan chat lightly and soon, Eleven joins them.

“How was school, sweetheart?” Joyce sends her a bright encouraging smile. They’ve been having lots of talks about talking. Eleven appreciates Joyce’s worry and is fully aware she can tell woman everything, well almost everything. “Will told me he feels unwell, did something happen?”

“No, not really… The lunch tasted weird, maybe he has a stomachache."

As she asks Jonathan to pass her the bowl with mashed potatoes, their eyes lock and she can tell that he senses something is up.

* * *

The same night, past midnight Eleven reads all letters she got from Max, helping herself with a flashlight, not wanting to wake up and alarm anyone with lights on. She sneaks out of the house through her window which is placed on the opposite side than the street. They thankfully live near a little thin stream and when she gets there what doesn’t get long, surely less than fifteen minutes, with shaky hands El tears all the letters apart. She cried to them and laughed so loud that Joyce was often coming around to check what is going on. And now they are all gone.

The elements fall into the running water and disappear, never to come back again.

El goes back the same way, tears collecting in the corners of her dark eyes. She is frozen when she comes back, nights during the Fall are cool, too cool for escapades in pyjamas like tonight’s one. She cries herself to sleep and only hopes the lost letters escaping in the water somewhere are going to find their way to freedom. Because, for now, Eleven has to stay here, crying silently into her pillow, so one hears it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! kudos and comments make my heart go uwu


End file.
